i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We were destined to go to rehab together
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
