I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dick very happy bro
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