So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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