You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
