dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
