what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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