It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
