No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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