Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
