So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
