Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
