Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
