I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Terrible idea I love it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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