I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
