I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
