I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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