I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
