drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
