this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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