I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
