i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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