things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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