So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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