I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I stole a fireplace last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
