Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
