she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
