oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
