So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize