wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
