His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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