Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no you cant smoke seaweed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Boobs speak an international language.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
