Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
