Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
