So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
