dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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