i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
