New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
