Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
