I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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