repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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