just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
