I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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