This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just cropdusted the office
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
