i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
