the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
be right there i have to get my cape
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
