She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
