He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
40s are totally the cure
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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