just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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