Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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