Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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