she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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