I think I died a long time ago.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
