How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
