I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
