Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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