Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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