I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
