we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
