Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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