hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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