no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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