he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
