is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
