I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
