Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
